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Posts from the ‘Poems and Reflections’ Category

Growing Together

by Cathi Lammert, RN

• Your relationship as a couple is the most important relationship. Let it take precedence over all others.

• When a baby dies, the grief affects both of you at the same time. Other stresses in a relationship usually do not impact both individuals simultaneously. Therefore, your closest support is not always able to respond to you because he/she is trying to cope with his/her own grief.

• Each person in the relationship will grieve in individual ways. Learning to understand your partner’s ways may take some time and may be difficult.

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How Long Will It Take?

How long will it take me to get over the feeling of sorrow?
A lifetime.
How long will I continue to feel guilty?
As long as it takes you to realize you did nothing wrong.
How long will it take me to get over my anger?
As long as it will take you to stop blaming yourself and others, and realize it was  the combination of unpredictable happenings that occur in one’s lifetime.
Why do friends give such horrid advice?
To cover up their own inability to handle the situation.
Will I ever be happy again and be able to laugh?
An emphatic YES!
How long is long?
As long as it takes for you to go through the process. Each individual has his or her own time-table, but it is up to you to make the decision when to start healing.

~~The Compassionate Friends, Fort Lauderdale, FL

If Tomorrow Never Comes

If Tomorrow Never Comes
by Norma Cornett Marek

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I Had a Dream

I Had a Dream
by Donna Fields

Sharin Childress

Sharin Childress

On Monday, February 23, 2015, as Sharin Childress drifted off into a deep sleep, she was having a dream of dreams. She was at the Orange County Beach standing by the shore where she stirred the darkest waves. As she reached for that far tide with its powerful sweep, Sharin buried her troubles in the shore where no mortal could see. Sharin began to pray, humbly making her supplications known. While making her supplications known, she began to imagine Heaven and what it would be like.

Sharin began to walk along the shore. As she walked the shore, she noticed a set of footprints in the sand. She followed the path. The footprints led her to the end of the Orange County Beach. Upon reaching the end of the shore, Sharin saw a Fisherman. He was gathering fish from the shore. Read more

10 Reasons Why You Need to Give Yourself Permission to Heal from Grief and Loss

by Maurice Turmel, PhD

maurice-turmel1) You will feel better knowing you are not alone with this experience of grief as a result of losing a loved one. Many individuals have traveled this path successfully and, those of us who study these processes, have been hard at work creating the tools and strategies necessary to help you safely negotiate the recovery experience.

2) You will feel better as you become aware of how manageable the healing experience can be while you grow accustomed to using tools that will help you get in touch with your feelings. Once aware of what you are feeling, you will be encouraged you to express those feelings and see for yourself how your stress level will begin to recede. Strategies of denial, anger, withdrawal and repression will be abandoned as they should because you are now aware of what’s necessary to safely manage your recovery experience. Read more

What Makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today,
I asked, “What makes a Mother?”
And I know I heard him say:

A Mother has a baby,
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby’s not with you?

Yes, you can, he replied
With confidence in his voice,
I give many women babies,
When they leave it is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day,
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there’s no need to stay.

I just don’t understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath,
And cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing here…
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say,

“We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mummy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!”

I feel so lucky to have a Mum who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mummy set me free.
I miss my Mummy oh so much

But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,

And whisper in her ear,
“Mummy, Please don’t be sad today,
I’m your baby and I am here”
So you see my dear sweet one,

Your children are okay.
Your babies are here in My home,
And this is where they’ll stay.
They’ll wait for you with Me,

Until your lessons there are through,
And on the day that you come home,
they’ll be at the gates waiting for you
So now you see

What makes a Mother,
It’s the feeling in your heart,
It’s the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

by Jennifer Wasik
In memory of Zachery Wasik
1/29/98-1/29/98

Avoiding the Clichés of Grief

by Sasha J. Mudlaff, M.A.

“I know just how you feel.”
Possible Alternative
If you have had a similar loss, you can give tremendous support to the grieving person, but don’t suggest that you know exactly what they’re going through.

“Time will heal.”
Possible Alternative
Moldy oldie! To the bereaved, each day can seem like an eternity. Besides, how do you know that “time will heal” them? Time alone doesn’t heal, but what one does with their time can help the healing process.
Alternative – “You must feel as if this pain will never end…”

“Life goes on.”
Possible Alternative
“Life has dealt you a terrible blow. I know it will be hard for you in the months to come to live with this pain.” Read more

If Not For You

by Richard L. Belford

calla450

If not for you, we may never have known

The magic in marrying ones soul mate.
The pleasure of a sister in-laws company.
Or the laughter shared with an aunt.

We would not have felt,
The delight in a mother’s joy
The passion of a grandmother’s pride.
Or the sorrow in her loss.

If not for you, we may never have seen,
The compassion and generosity of one
who could not always, afford to give.
Or the worry that came with both.

We could not have shared,
The depth of a sister’s love.
The grief in a friend’s passing.
Or the anguish of a relationship lost.

If not for you,
We would have nothing to rejoice.

©2005 Richard Lawrence Belford

Visit Richard’s page here.

 

Mirror

by Tom Wyatt
originally published in 1992

Sometimes it’s hard to pick her up and give Her the hugs that she needs;
She looks so much like Johnny, oh God help Me please.
I still wait for him to come downstairs Dripping wet after his bath;
Telling a joke, crossing his eye, anything To make me laugh.

Johnny Wyatt

But then I see him under that truck
His little body broken and still;
Death doesn’t discriminate and that ‘s a
Bitter pill.

The resemblance is scary she even laughs
The same what am I going to do?
Does the same fate await my girl, will death
Come and take her too?

All I can do is love her for herself not
Because she reminds me of him;
But as long as I can look into her eyes
His light will never dim.

Read Tom’s other works here

Remembering Neil

shared by Dianne Martin

snowI see and read here ‘so many’ remembrances for sons and daughters who have passed over. Our son, Neil Edward Martin, died after a fatal climbing accident on a mountain peak near our home in Revelstoke BC Canada on 5 September 2011 – our youngest of 3 sons, born 2 May 1986 – he was just 25.  His friend, Brandon, wrote this. Brandon was with him when he fell.  I cry every time I read it, the trauma that friends feel is so real I thought perhaps sharing this with other traumatized friends and parents may help. Brandon sent us this on Neil’s birthday the first year. Brandon has agreed to share this with anyone who bows to their heart with grief.

———-

Neil
by Brandon Cameron

So unfair I don’t understand why you had to go
The emptiness so deep inside how to fill I will never know,
I embrace the thoughts the gladdest times these times I shared with you
But yet it seems the days slip by I don’t know what to do,
So much more than just a friend you were my family
There are no words that could explain just how much you did for me,
You were my rock when I was down your arms you spread so wide
Your courage soared above the clouds the gladness you could not hide,
So selfless you were with a heart of gold so compassionate and so wise
An inspiration you were to those something you could not disguise,
Neil my friend you were a legend, a legend that will not die
No one would ever think to ask or even question why,
I would give so much for just a chance to say so much to you
You left so quick so many things we didn’t get to do,
Every plan that we made every dream I will fulfill
To me these plans they mean so much almost like a unwritten will,
You warmed my heart and touched my soul that feeling will never go
I really wish I could tell you but I’m sure you already know,
I find myself talking to you each and every day
For in my heart I try to believe these words will find their way,
Deep inside I do believe you are watching over me
A guardian angel to all of us one day I hope to see,
In my heart I do believe one day we will reunite,
I can’t wait to see your smile radiate the gladdest light…