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Posts from the ‘homicide’ Category

Coping After Homicide

by Lynn Jett Minick

In loving memory of my daughter, Denise Minick Cveticanin who, along with her unborn daughter, Laura, was brutally murdered. ~~~Lynn Jett Minick

weepingWhen someone you loved is murdered, your emotions become intensified to a much greater extent than you can imagine. You feel as though you have been thrown into an emotional tailspin. Shock, grief/heartache, guilt/self-blame, disbelief/denial, and anger seem to know no bounds – all seem to become entangled. You may possibly feel a loss of faith in God and mankind. You may feel stigmatized and suffer a loneliness you have never known, all the while confused and wonder why this horrible tragedy occurred. At times, you will wonder if anyone cares. Overwhelmed and confused, you may experience a loss of memory. Your mind seems “fragmented” and you may feel that you are losing your sanity. You will probably be depressed, impatient with yourself and others. You sometimes feel as though you have no emotional control. These are all normal reactions.

Reactions to shock vary with the individual. The shock may be so great that, unable to absorb it, you may seem in a daze with no outwardly visible reaction. You may feel totally helpless and look to others for direction. Although there is no way to determine exactly how long this “zombie” stage will last, it will pass in time.

The grief and heartache ordinarily associated with the death of a loved one are compounded when the loved one is lost through violence. You will be wracked with emotional pain, but don’t try to conceal your emotions. To suppress one’s grief and heartache not only delays the healing process, it can result in a deep, debilitating depression as well as physical illness. You have a right to grieve – don’t stifle it. Read more

One Day My Life Was Completely Normal And Then… (child homicide)

by Radha Stern
Early spring, 1996

stern quilt175X150One day my life was completely normal. I was making lunch for my brother, Abram, who was visiting me from New Jersey, and my best friend, Bettina, when the doorbell rang. I answered it, with my apron on, to a man from the Sheriff’s department. He informed me that another officer needed to speak with me, and told me to call a number he handed to me.

With the Sheriff’s officer looking over my shoulder, I phoned, and heard someone say “coroner’s office” on the other end. I could barely speak. A voice informed me that my son was dead…that he had been shot four times by his school roommate during an argument about dishes. Read more

Why Am I Angry?

by Debbie Henry

After eight years, here is where I am today.

Not for myself but for my son. Angry for what he was robbed of, and for what he did not get to do.

Scott had plans, he was a self-starter, and wanted to see the world. Scott was smart and loved to learn. He was always creative and enjoyed making people laugh.

In his bio he wrote in humanities class on July 20th 2004, he made the statement that for the next eightScott and family weeks we, your students, will be your willing captives, and would also like to get to know you, On August 16, 2004, less than a month later, he was dead. He did not get to finish the weeks.

Scott was one of the smartest people I have ever known. In high school, they had to remove his grade in calculus class before setting the grade curve in order for the rest of the class to pass. He worked hard for that, having dyslexia learning was not an easy thing. While the other kids were shooting baskets after school he was studying. What was all this for?

He loved his family and missed being home; he called almost every day.

He worked so very hard, only to be taken from us.

So, angry I am, hurt I am, changed I am.
A part of me will forever be in the past.
A part of me yearns for answers that will not come in this lifetime.
Nothing will ever bring him back.
For the most part I am a shell of who I used to be trying to get through each day and avoid hurting my family with my own personal pain.
For this too I am angry.

About the Author: About the Author: Both Debbie and her husband, Mark, were born and raised in Southern Indiana. They moved to Texas in 1985 to offer their sons, Scott and Mark, a better education and career opportunity. They currently live in Argyle, Texas.

Debbie has worked at Premiere Laser Centre since 2001. She and Mark are active in their local church, Cross Timbers, Argyle campus. After the loss of both Debbie’s parents and her oldest son, Scott, she had to make a decision. Should she stay angry and let it rule her life or be part of the solution.

Debbie and Mark work consistently toward changing state laws. Debbie is a member of Denton County CERT (Community Emergency Response Team) including ongoing monthly classes as well as attending storm spotter training classes. Both she and her husband are grief group facilitators at Cross Timbers Church’s Journey Toward Joy bereavement program. At this time, Debbie is considering several new areas of service.

Debbie and Mark Henry
Parents of Scott Bolton
(Tulsa Murder Victim)

Another article by Debbie: Scott’s Story and His Family’s Loss (child’s murder)

Twelve Years Later, the Healing Continues

by Vince Sanchez

Editor’s Note: In the May issue, I featured a story about the murder of Vince’s daughter, Coco: I Was Not Able to Protect My Daughter. Today, he shares some of what he has learned on his journey through grief.

There is no stopping grief. If you try to fight it or ignore it, it can and will destroy you. Everyday people we come in contact with—co-workers, strangers whom we’ve just met, even animals—can pick up on the sadness and depression in you! Negative waves so to speak. At one time, someone mentioned to me that we have to find a reason to start living again. We also have to go through the grieving process one way or another.

Read more

I Was Not Able to Protect My Daughter (child homicide)

by Peggy Sweeney

Nicole “Coco” Sanchez
9/26/1999 – 4/22/1982

Author’s Note: Several years ago, a detective from a metropolitan police department sent me an email concerning the death of his 17 year old daughter. She had been brutally murdered by her boyfriend and the anniversary of her death was fast approaching. Vince was struggling with several grief issues, one of which was his perception that as a police officer he was unable to protect her and save her life.

With his permission, I am sharing my response to his email in the hopes that it will help bereaved dads, especially those of you in law enforcement and emergency response who may be coping with some of the same issues.

Dear Vince,
There are several things I would like to discuss with you. Please understand that what I’m going to say is not a criticism. I do not say these things to chastise you, but rather to help you understand some of your concerns, why you’re feeling what you’re feeling, and to help you cope with your grief.

Read more

Scott’s Story and His Family’s Loss (child’s murder)

by Debbie and Mark Henry

Mark, Debbie, Scott, and Teresa

Statements or situations that make me cringe inside:
• How many children do you have?
• You are so strong.
• Seeing our son’s peers getting married and starting families.
• Hearing an organ donor referred to as a cadaver instead of a donor.

Statements that make my heart glow inside:
• I pray for your family.
• If you ever need to talk I am here to listen.
• I think of your son often and always Smile.

The things I miss most.. (Hi Mom, I Love you & Scott’s huge smiles.)

We have been asked to share our story that resulted in our son’s death and how we have survived it. Since Sept. 11th 2004, we have relived our personal nightmare both mentally and physically, more times than we can count. Writing is something that offers an outlet for my pain and desperation. Helping others that are new to this path is another. Read more