10 Reasons Why You Need to Give Yourself Permission to Heal from Grief and Loss
by Maurice Turmel, PhD
1) You will feel better knowing you are not alone with this experience of grief as a result of losing a loved one. Many individuals have traveled this path successfully and, those of us who study these processes, have been hard at work creating the tools and strategies necessary to help you safely negotiate the recovery experience.
2) You will feel better as you become aware of how manageable the healing experience can be while you grow accustomed to using tools that will help you get in touch with your feelings. Once aware of what you are feeling, you will be encouraged you to express those feelings and see for yourself how your stress level will begin to recede. Strategies of denial, anger, withdrawal and repression will be abandoned as they should because you are now aware of what’s necessary to safely manage your recovery experience.
3) You will feel better realizing that you no longer have to tough this out, or engage in practices that would deny you the genuineness of your loss. Your heart knows where it’s going and it knows what it needs to help you safely negotiate this path. Open yourself to the possibility that you can have what you want in terms of help and self-awareness, and about the process that will set the stage for your emotional recovery.
4) You will feel better knowing that no one travels this path alone and nor should you. Helpful resources are readily available. The old ways of denial, repression and toughing it out are done. They belong to another era. Today, we are allowed to feel what we feel and express those feelings in a safe and genuine manner. What we do today when facing tragedy is our choice. If we choose the path of recovery, then that’s what we will have. Do not deny yourself the opportunity to heal. Never choose suffering over healing. The spirit of recovery is in the air. Alcoholics recover. Drug addicts recover. Abused children recover. Persons with broken hearts, for whatever reason, can do so as well.
5) You will feel better realizing that there are alternatives to the old way of toughing things out and keeping a stiff upper lip. You will discover that the path to recovery is much easier than the path of suffering. You will accept your grieving experience as valid and no longer deny yourself what you need just because that’s the way it used to be done. A new day has dawned. Wherever you hurt, there is a solution. The internet is filled with answers. You found this one, didn’t you? How to Cope with Grief and Loss
6) You will feel better accepting yourself as who you are, and in this circumstance, as a wounded individual who needs compassion and help. Your heart is broken and needs mending, what are you going to do? If you were thirsty and a water fountain was nearby wouldn’t you step over and take a drink? Well, your heart is aching and there are resources for you to tap into. Why not select one and see if it works? The days of being stoic about your feelings are over. Men weep and women get angry. These are fundamental experiences to being human. When our body aches we see a doctor and get help. When our heart aches, no difference, help is readily available. Once you decide you are worth it, the help you need will come to you. But you have to reach out and take it. That’s your part of the exercise. Remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him put on a bathing costume. If your friend was suffering the experience of loss, and you were aware of a resource that could help them, wouldn’t you take them by the hand and show them the way? Well then, why not be your own friend at this time. Take yourself by the hand and give yourself what you need to manage your grief and loss recovery.
7) You’ll feel better because, as a man, you were taught to contain your feelings and not let them out for fear of demonstrating weakness. Well that’s a joke, isn’t it. You’re feeling hurt inside. Everyone knows it. Why continue the pretense of being unaffected. Women cry without difficulty, because they have permission to express their feelings. Well, women live longer than men, because they are more inclined to release their stress. Does that suggest stress kills? Absolutely! So, forget the macho stance. No one cares anymore. Forget trying to look calm and collected for the sake of protecting women, or your precious image. Women are going to outlive you by several years anyway. They don’t need that kind of protection. Time to consider your own needs and stop pretending you don’t have them. Unless you come from another planet and are built differently than the rest of us, then your needs are the same as mine, and I choose recovery. What are you going to do?
8) You’ll feel better because, as a woman, you already have permission to attend to your feelings. What you need are tools to help you negotiate this experience of grief and loss without become mired in the emotional drama. There is a case to be made for engaging our cognitive abilities at times of crisis, because simply reacting emotionally will not contribute to your healing. In cases of tragic loss an unbridled emotional response may simply reinforce the idea that you are victim without power or control over your own life. Old voices from the past may creep in here to remind you that you’re not desirable, or that it was somehow your fault that your loved one passed on. In any case your needs are as valid as those of men. Your heart is aching and you need healing. Comforting words, soft music, candlelight and permission to express those feelings will move you safely through the landscape of grief.
9) You’ll feel better knowing you’ve given yourself every opportunity to address this critical experience in your life. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll even wake up in the night sobbing at times. Just be aware that your inner self is at work overtime now to relieve you of the tension associated with the experience of grief. You don’t have to wait years for your recovery, because you’ve chosen a set of tools that give you permission to feel, and that normalizes every aspect of the grief process. Isn’t that a relief? Of course it is. It would be silly to think otherwise. Do you know anyone who is still longing for the days when heartache was a disease that you just bottled up, hoping you wouldn’t explode?
10) You’ll feel better knowing that you’re starting to feel better. With each day, hour and minute you devote to your grief recovery, you are building up an inventory of good feelings; and you’re beginning to realize that this entire process is quite manageable. Doesn’t that sound like a better choice than suffering? And who better to help you with this process than someone who is trained, someone who has been through grief and loss several times in their life and someone who no longer fears the experience because they know exactly what to do to heal? Come on now, you know the answer. Tell you what, you give me 10 good reasons why you shouldn’t seek the help you need to recover from grief and loss and I’ll show you how to turn that information into an ebook you can sell on the internet. Does that sound like a good deal, or would you rather just feel better?
About the Author: Maurice Turmel, PhD Counselling Psychology, was a practicing therapist for 25 years. Dr Moe has hosted Radio Shows and Seminars on Conscious Evolution, Ascension Training, Journaling Practices, Spiritual & Psychological Growth, Life Purpose and Grief & Loss. He is the author of: 1) The Voice – A Mythological Guide to Lightworker Service, 2) Conscious Evolution – Preparing for Ascension 2012 and 3) “How to Cope with Grief and Loss” Dr Moe is also a Performing Songwriter. Samples of his music can be found on You Tube.
Dr. Turmel’s other offerings:
Grief and Loss OverviewGrieving a Spouse
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