Even Now

by Brenda McBride

BrendaThere are moments that hit me like a huge tidal wave, with full force, that just about knocks me off my feet from the hold it has on me like thunder in the night….
I go with the current, trying not to let it take me under, I’m able to refocus and
gain composure once again, riding the tide, going with the flow, til the morning light….
They say, time heals all wounds, as the journey of life continues like an ocean that’s endless and timeless with its ever ending current, sailing free like a bird
soaring high…..
Life is to be cherished each day, we never know when our time here will end, death is just the beginning when our soul is free, releasing all pain with a sigh….
Yet, there are times when I can smell the crisp after shave my dad wore, as if he were standing right next to me, clear as day…..
I realize he’s sending me comfort from the other side, wearing his favorite old spice, smiling with joy, in the very same way….
They say, it gets easier as the years pass by, the circle of life stops for no one,
we all come to grips with our losses, in one way or another, from what I hear people
say……
Our souls journey begins when we can leave here with peace and love in our heart,
freeing ourselves from all worry and pain…..
Our connections are not broken, the physical is no more, but we must feel them and
appreciate their spirit just the same……

Written For My Beloved Father, Herbert Grant.
With Love and Gratitude,
Your Daughter, Brenda.

About the Author and Song Writer: My name is Brenda McBride and I live in Temecula, California. Writing has always been my passion. I’ve had several of my articles and poems published in various magazines during the last several years. When my father passed away in 2011, my grief became so unbearable, consumed with endless tears and sadness. At that point, I began writing more than ever to release those deep emotions that we feel when someone we love dies. 

As I was trying to grasp his death, I was also reliving his life through my writing. I found that the release and expression of words did bring some comfort and clarity to my anguish. I realized that life does continue on, but in a much different way. It’s been over two years now since he’s been gone, and I am now able to glance at his framed photos we have.

I am employed by Temecula School District as a substitute, working with Special Education students. I am also a mother of two teenage girls. There’s not a day that goes by without the thought and beautiful memories we shared with my wonderful dad. People ask me from time to time, are you over your dads death yet? I look at them and say, I’ll never be over it. But, in time, I’ll just learn better coping skills.

I still have a lot of grief work to do on myself before I get to the point of being more grounded within. I know there’s no cure for intense grief or magic words to take away the void. But, I do know we must be patient with ourselves and realize we do not have to apologize to the world for our intense emotions. We are all unique, just like our journey of healing is unique.  

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