by Sandy Fox
You never have to be afraid of forgetting these memories because you delight in them, they remind you of all the love you felt for your child, and their stories are things you can always share with others: adventure stories, funny stories, sad stories, scary stories and emotional stories.
A few of my remembrances:
My daughter’s first birthday. A first birthday is special. I had a small party, invited a few friends over. Presents were opened, but I realized my daughter had no clue what was going on and why she was getting these gifts. I vowed that I would continue the parties and that by 2-years-old she would understand everything. She did, and until she was 19 years old and moved out, I continued having parties and they got bigger and better. It was a fun time, and I even remember the themes of most of them which we tried to change each year. In a way I carry on that tradition now. My husband and I have an anniversary party each year and invite all our friends. Each year we have a different theme and different ethnic foods to eat.
I remember the first time I heard my daughter sing. I could not carry a tune and never tried to sing myself or asked her to sing, believing it was hereditary. One time she came home and told me she got a singing part in a play. I said, “What! But can you sing?” “Of course, I can,” she answered me and was pretty insulted I had even asked. She was right, and I was so proud of her when she sang her part at the end of the year grammar school play.
One thing I always remember is how much we both liked to get our backs scratched. We would take turns at night sitting in front of the TV scratching each other. It was so relaxing. Boy, do I miss that. Nobody scratches like she did!
Have I forgotten what her voice sounds like? NEVER! I am reminded of her voice when I look at a picture of her, when I replay her wedding video once a year, when I read a card she sent me for a birthday with something meaningful written in her handwriting, and when I hear myself say something she would have said. It is the strangest thing to hear yourself say a phrase that you would never think would come from your own mouth. But there it is, and I just smile and shake my head unbelievingly.
It is wonderful knowing she is always with me and that I will never, ever forget her beautiful face, features, smile, laugh, or anything about her. And you won’t forget your child and everything about them either.
About the Author: Sandy has written two books on surviving grief: “Creating a New Normal…After the Death of a Child” and “I Have No Intention of Saying Good-bye.” Visit Sandy’s website for more information about the books and ordering them.
Other articles by Sandy:
Confronting Negative Statements
Commonalities Between Bereaved Parents
Finding Help for Bereaved Parents
Happy New Year!
Keeping Memories Alive After Losing a Child
Writing to Your Child