by Sandy Fox
One day sit down and write a letter to your child. Pour out your feelings: the love you will always feel for them, how your heart is broken, any guilt, any anger, remembrances of good times together or anything else that comes to mind.
There are some things you can then do with that letter. You can keep it to yourself and never show it to anyone. You can share it with others in the hopes they begin to understand you are getting better. Or you can throw it in the trash, feeling all the better for having written your feelings down and reading them to yourself.
Writing is good therapy. When I look at my first book I wrote, which details my daughter’s life, I am simply amazed at the details I remembered then that I would never remember now if I had to do it all again. When I finished writing it originally, I felt good. I knew I had written the facts, the emotions and how I survived the tragedy. It was very cathartic.
Now, when I am angry at someone or something that happened, I sit down and write about it. I did that when I wrote the blog on people who say things that are hurtful to a parent who has lost a child. Whether it is a cruel statement like, “God had better plans for your child” or asking “Why didn’t you have more children to replace the one you lost,” I got to say how I felt, and again, it was cathartic.
Ideas for you to write on paper to your child are:
- …What I wish I had said to you
- …What I wish I hadn’t said to you
- …What I wish I had done
- …What I wish I had not done
- …What I wish you would have done
- …What I wish you had not done
- …What I wish I could ask you.
- …What I would like to tell you
- …What it’s been like without you
And lastly, how much I miss you and will always keep you in my heart and mind.
You will see, your day will become less burdensome when you get your thoughts on paper and you will feel a weight lift from your heart.
About the Author: Sandy is the author of two books on surviving grief and moving on with your life: “Creating a New Normal…After the Death of a Child” and “I Have No Intention of Saying Good-bye.” She is also a contributing writer for the “Open to Hope” book, Gloria Gaynor’s new book, “I Will Survive” and writes for many online newsletters to help others on their grief journey.